Tender Thoughts Tuesday

OK.  So, this morning I hadn’t intended to write “tender” things. 

In fact, I was going to write some not so tender things. 

As in, I was going to write about all the things I don’t miss when my husband’s not here.

He’s not here a lot. 

He’s actually not here more than he is here.

While that does make me sad and lonely and lots of other things, there are things about his absence that I rather enjoy.

HOWEVER, I think that I’ll save that post for another day.

Another day when I’m not feeling so tender.

I’ve decided that I need to write down all the things that make me warm and fuzzy inside.  I need to do this on a day when I’m feelingthat fuzziness, so that I can come back, say on a day when I’m feeling like shiz-nit, and revel in all the fuzziness.

Here goes my list of tenderness…

*I absolutely LOVE walking to the bus stop with my “1st grade is so awesome” daughter.  It is truly a blessing to be able to be home with her, and get to escort her across the street to watch and wait for the bus.  We’re usually the only ones there, as all the rest of the children can see the bus coming down the street, and therefore can watch and wait from the comfort of their own homes.  I really don’t mind being out among the elements, though.  Especially when these days are beginning to resemble spring days.  But even when it was bitterly cold, windy, snowy, rainy, even sleety…I didn’t mind being there with her.  We’d just put up our hoods, and grab an umbrella on our way out the door.  This time with her is so pure.  So uninterrupted.  She doesn’t get much of that with a little sister and a (babysat for) Kindergarten boy always around.  We chit chat about her days at school, her fears, her likes, her dislikes, her passions.  We practice spelling words and math facts.  And, we always end our time there with a big hug and, “I love you!  Have a good day!  See you this afternoon!”  I am truly going to miss this precious time.  Because I have a way of anticipating sadness over lost things before they’re ever lost.  Especially when I am already witnessing the beginnings of her budding independence and sarcastic, teenage “too coolness” of all things Mommy related. 

*I think it’s absolutely adorable when our dog Sally comes in from running outside, and wants to play.  She’s 8 years old, and certainly starting to show her age, but when she comes in from outside, she is a puppy again.  Frisky, even.  It’s so incredibly cute to me that she knows exactly which toy she wants to play with from her basket of toys.  She’ll root and move other toys out of the way to get to the desired toy or bone.  And if she can’t reach it, she’ll stand at the basket, looking back and forth from said basket to someone who is near to her, and whine softly.  Like, “Can you help a dawg out, dude?”  It just cracks me up.

*It is so sweet, that morning smell and warmth that permeates my baby girl “big girl” 4 year old  girl’s entire being when she first wakes up, and cuddles in my lap.  I just want to hold her forever, and rock and cuddle and inhale deeply.  This is yet another time that I am trying to glue  fuse to my memory, because I already miss it.  It’s just going so fast.  This time with my little ones.  They’re doing so many things – things that always seemed so far off.  Independent dressing (and outfit choosing), school, reading, playing board games, running the computer (!)  It is just surreal.  You know, you hear it repeatedly, but you just don’t realize how fast it really goes until it’s you.  Your life and your living of it. 

*My husband is very handy.  He’s an every man man.  He can fix anything.  He can assemble anything.  He can build anything.  And if he can’t, he finds out.  It’s saved us lots and lots of money over our (almost) 9 year marriage.  LOTS.  He did a beautiful job on our unfinished basement, creating – from scratch – a beautiful sanctuary for us to enjoy – albeit briefly.  The people who are lucky enough to buy our house will have a wonderful space to enjoy.  Because of him.  (Because I sure as heck had next to nothing to do with the whole thing.  Just a “Good job!  Looks nice!”  or most times, “Do I HAVE to?  How do I work this *&^*(*% thing anyways?  Don’t make me do this again!”)

*Speaking of my husband, I am also thankful to him for providing me with the opportunity (however begrudgingly) to be at home.  I never saw myself in this position, yet here I am.  I wouldn’t trade it for the world.  Yes, I think I could have been (and probably will be again soon) happy teaching.  It is a source of pride that I am a teacher.  I love to teach.  I also love being a mom.  I am a mom with pride as well.  My two little girls are sources of great  joy (and anxiety and guilt and pride and…and and and) every day.  Many women don’t have the opportunities that I’ve had, and I am very thankful that my husband is the hard and determined worker and achiever that he is.  He’s my rock.
*Finally, I am very thankful for this blog.  For having a place to put it all down. 
*I absolutely heart you if you read all of this.
Why not “delurk” (love that word) and let me know all the things that make you all fuzzy inside….let’s hear your Tender Thoughts for this Tuesday. 
Hope it’s a great one!!!
Published in: on March 18, 2008 at 9:35 am  Comments (3)  

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3 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. The line you wrote that resonated most with me is this one: “Because I have a way of anticipating sadness over lost things before they’re ever lost. ”
    I, too, am mourning my Luki Bear. He’s getting so big.

    What makes me feel the best about life and where I am is a cool morning, a lighted candle on the edge of my bathtub and getting goosebumps to the sound of the tub filling up with warm water around me. I like to pretend that the sound of the water is similar to that of God’s voice. I hug my knees and worship him. That’s my best warm fuzzy.

    Secondly, also to do with warmth, cool morning’s, and God’s voice, I like to sit on the floor, straight out of bed and let the hair dryer blow on my feet. That, too, gives me goosebumps, and although it wastes energy, I know, it relights my fire.

    I love a rainy day. I love autumn rain best. I love remembering being home with my Mom, mid-morning, and feeling safe and happy about the things she did around the house to take care of all of us.

    Why am I crying?

  2. This kind of list is a great idea…

  3. sometimes it’s important to focus on the good when we want to NOT focus on the good.

    Great post!

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